Chappy’s On Eagle’s Wings
Remembering What’s Important
by Ron Ringo
I remember a great metaphor I once heard: “It could be said that we are all in the construction business. In our human relationships, we have the opportunity to build bridges of trust and friendship each day, just as we have occasions to construct walls of enmity and fear. Sometimes it is easier to put up those walls, than work at a better relationship.”
Sir Isaac Newton said on the subject, “We build too many walls and not enough bridges.” When we genuinely extend ourselves, not knowing whether our actions or kindnesses will be received as intended or our weaknesses accepted, we begin to build trust. It requires a great amount of courage and maturity to desire to build those bridges under such circumstances. Naturally, it is much more pleasant to do things for those who you know will appreciate it or who will respond in like manner.
But bridge building tests our mettle, enlarges our capacities and challenges our approach to life. Many now have experienced this first hand in Iraq and other wars. Many during these experiences learned and gained a grea-ter appreciation for their loved ones and things from home. When I returned home with many from Operation Iraqi Freedom, (OIF I) told me that they didn’t want to take simple things for granted anymore. I heard that they had learned to be more patient. Life, and the people who we share it with, became a bit more precious to us because of these types of experiences.
In the glow of sweet reunions returning from war or other separations, hopes are high that old patterns would be abandoned, in favor of more loving behaviors at home. If you are one of those wondering why the good feelings of reunion can’t last longer, or why resolutions to change can be so easily forgotten, perhaps there will be some words of comfort here for you.
In the book, The Road Less Traveled, (a book I highly recommend reading, by the way) M. Scott Peck talks about why the honeymoon period in a relationship always comes to an end. While we may think the honeymoon should last forever if we are doing everything right, the fact is, that real love begins to deepen and grow as we move beyond the “honeymoon phase” and get down to the business of helping and serving one another through the daily difficulties of life. Spouses return to work or school and must now enlarge their focus to include other responsibilities and goals. This is natural and healthy, but the lessening of closeness can cause us to feel lonely, fearful or rejected, but we don’t understand why this is inevitable, and even necessary, for our personal growth and happiness.
Some people go from relationship to relationship seeking that euphoric feeling that exists in the beginning, but always passes. When it does, they move on thinking the love has died, when in fact, the real work of loving another hadn’t yet begun.
Many of you, some who may have been away from a loved one, maybe had returned from a combat tour, went through hell and back, then came home to find even more heart wrenching difficulties awaiting you there. For others who were left behind, you carried heavy burdens and hung in there, only to feel unappreciated by the one who should have understood your sacrifices. You might be thinking, “What’s it all for?” To patiently continue giving to those who may seem blind to the gift, takes courage, maturity and inner strength.
Those bridges that are built at home or with a foreign people require sincere efforts to responsibly reach out and try, again and again, even in the face of disappointments. Do we want to build walls or bridges?
You may be justified in feeling angry or bitter, sad or cynical, but what does that do for you? We’ve been told that one’s anger or temper “is like a fire, it only gets destructive when it gets out of control.” Someone once walked through the Holy Land, trying with all His heart to heal and bless and make a positive difference in the lives of those who would hear His voice. Yet many scoffed and scorned him and eventually crucified him. He was entitled to feelings of anger, hurt and betrayal, but chose instead to love. He fulfilled his mission and made a profound difference in the lives of those who did listen, and believed him. He loved them purely and forgave them freely, encouraging us to do the same.
A story that was sent to me recently shares this message. “Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on the stone, why?” The other friend replied,” When someone hurts us we should write it down in the sand where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”
We need to do likewise with the things that we are going through. We would be wise to learn to write our hurts in the sand and carve our blessings in stone. We need to not value the things we have in our life, but value whom we have in our life! Though we don’t always understand why certain difficulties often fill our days, we still have a responsibility to be kind to those with whom we spend our days.
When life keeps hitting you in the face with difficulties, I hope you’ll remember Things can come and go, but your relationships with God and with those He has given you are the most important. As Joshua in the Old Testament said: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” May God bless your efforts.
As always, it is my hope that this message will help you to, “mount up as on eagle’s wings”, and renew a little of your strength to keep moving forward and find joy…
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
Until next time, may God bless you and may God continue to bless our great nation… SEMPER FI.
Chaplain Ringo, is the Command Chaplain at MCRD H&S BN, holds a Doctorate of Philosophy in Counseling, and is a Certified Trauma Specialist.
Chaplain Ringo is a good friend and supporter of HealthWalk’s. We are grateful that he is working with us on our integrated total health approach to enhancing and restoring our veterans’ resilience for re-engagement and for their transition from the high operational tempo back to their families and civilian life.